less than words

I finally found a great therapist several years ago. I knew when I saw a goddess image as a decoration in her office that she might be able to hear my crazy history without judgment and I was right. I saw her through so much turmoil that I distinctly remember telling her that I could no longer stand the sound of my own voice. I once told her that if we were in a war zone, none of my complaints would matter. I pulled my concerns out and, looking at them deemed them to be inconsequential. She never walked down that road with me, but let me wander that path until I came back to do the real work. But, we are in a war zone now, aren't we?
There are times when I still can't stand the sound of my own voice and it's the words. Words, I think, can sometimes be a barrier to actual communication. I think we use words to coat or couch the feelings we don't want to slip out. We belie an emotion or downplay a thought.
How would we handle communication without words? How would we let someone know that they are loved without the cursory, 'I love you!' as they go out the door? How could we convey the depth of that love, a soulful look, an extra firm hug, a deep kiss? I don't know. It's probably a fairly personal choice and perhaps more complex than mere words could convey. I sometimes think words make us lazy in our communication.
I've taken to watching these 'Bollywood' style music videos on the computer. I've no idea what they are saying but the dancing and costumes are phenomenal plus they are crazy romantic. These are the people that brought us the Karma Sutra and Koka Shastra, after all. So basically, they wrote the book on love. There was one video where the English translation and the songs' content was so surprising that is really threw me. The story of the video was a young couple in a war zone getting away and being okay but the song was about an abstract feeling, not love but the feeling that being with a loved one gave them, like 'depth', as near as I can recall. It was weird but strangely beautiful. It made me wonder how the communication of love worked in their language, like that thought where one wonders if everyone sees the same image of an object like a tree or a color. I suppose it was that thought that made me want to strip away our language to communicate and just experience the raw emotion without all the window dressing. (I am remembering "Show me" from My Fair Lady, great song!)
These days of 'social distancing' leave us with only words in many cases. I pick and choose them carefully with the stress of wondering if our common futures might be changing and how would I want my communications to be remembered. Strange to focus on that. But it does leave me hungry for the raw communication of the unspoken depths of bonds that run deeper than twenty-first-century communication seems to allow for.
I guess I'll have to settle for the cats and the dog for my wordless communications. I do feel fairly fluent in Cat, but I am still working on my Dog awareness.


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